


the whole world should know your name

by loumymind



Category: One Direction
Genre: AU, M/M, alternative ending, brief mentions of sex, cursing but other than that not much, if one direction never happened, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-08
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-01-18 15:29:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1433551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loumymind/pseuds/loumymind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They'd tried to keep in touch, really. But after it ended they all just returned to their old lives, and phone calls and texts became scarce until eventually they were strangers again. It was almost as if One Direction hadn't happened at all. </p><p>                 Sometimes Louis wonders if it even had, or if it was all some far away dream. But there's a certain imprint on his heart, that of a curly haired green eyes young boy who changed everything. Even if the memories of his fifteen minutes of fame are hazy - Harry still rings clear as a bell. </p><p>(Or One Direction didn't get a record deal after the X factor. They slowly grew apart, but it's six years later. Louis has never been able to forget the first boy he ever fell in love with.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This took me so long to write and it's my longest fic to date. I really hope someone enjoys it, I certainly liked writing it. Title comes from the song Amelia (though the song is irrelevant to the story) 
> 
> Thanks for reading :) 
> 
> And yeah I don't own anyone, everything is fake etc etc :)
> 
> Tumblr - loumymind

_It's been six years._  

  


              The thought catches Louis Tomlinson off guard. He marvels over it in amazement as he spears his fork into the cheesecake in front of him. Could it really have been that long? In a way it feels like it was just yesterday. Sometimes it feels an entirely different life time.

  


               It's been six years, though. He can't believe it. It all happened to a much younger bubbly Louis. One who was just learning about himself and the world. Maybe his smile was a little brighter, his laugh a little louder, but he was also naive. Naive enough to believe in all kinds of things that would never last.

  


                Ricky is saying something, talking animatedly with his hands as he recounts a story. Louis isn't listening, and he only sees the gestures from the corner of his eyes. His attention is focused on the other side of the room, where a large group - a family - is sitting at a booth. The wait staff is standing around clapping and singing as a piece of cake is laid onto the table top.

  


              Louis is unblinkingly starring at the large helium balloon floating just above, with a giant 23 on it. It's that stupid balloon and the number that's making it hard for him to breathe.

  


               He can vividly remember when it said 17 instead.

  


              Louis hadn't even realized it was his birthday and the thought is unsettling. Sure, they only celebrated one together, but in the years before he'd at least texted him. The last two years he'd simply written on his Facebook wall. But it was something.

  


               It's gotten to the point that he doesn't even remember his birthday anymore. Six years.

  


             "Who are you starring at?" Ricky asks suddenly, spinning completely in his chair to follow Louis' gaze.

  


              Louis tries to conceal the flaming blush that creeps up his cheeks while averting his gaze back to the boy in front of him. "Just an old friend." It comes out as a whisper and the words don't feel like enough. But an ex boyfriend feels completely wrong, too. Harry was something entirely different, a huge monumental part of his life. Even if it had only lasted nine months. "Haven't seen him in years. I forgot it was his birthday."

  


              Ricky is smiling warmly when he turns around again. "Well then you should go say hi, silly!" His face is completely encouraging, not a trace of jealously etched into his features. Normally this would cause Louis to wonder that it meant and what they were... But his head was swarming with so many nostalgic thoughts that it had no room for anything else.

  


             Louis swallows hard, fumbling with his fork. He replays the word over and over again in his head. _Hi_ , such a simple and easy word. He could go say hi. He could walk over to the table and Anne and Robin and Gemma with a sincere smile. Then he could just look Harry straight in the eye and they'd both grin and he'd just say happy birthday. It would be easy.

  


              Rubbing sweaty palms along his pant legs he can't help but be curious of how easy they'd just fall into each other again. It was an instantaneous thing, really, the way they gelled together and acted like they'd been friends their entire lives. Does that type of thing just go away or would Harry always have a certain sense for him?

  


              Thoughts can be dangerous things. Louis has learned this over the years, and these currents ones may be the scariest of all. They have the ability to tear him apart, break every seam that took his ages to sew back together. Getting over Harry Styles was without a doubt the hardest thing he'd ever done.

  


                The wait staff was done their song and they all slowly dissipated from Louis' locked gaze.

  


               Harry looked like the same sixteen year old but so different at the same time. For one, even though he was sitting, Louis could safely assume the lad would tower over him now. His legs were long, clad in tight ripped skinny jeans. His hair used to curl every which way, Louis had basically memorized the pattern of them after all the times his fingers had run through them. Now it was longer and flowy, still twisting slightly though in that familiar way.

 

 

                But his face was still Harry - his giant toothy grin, childlike features. He was old but he was still the same boy he'd fallen in love with as easily as he breathed.

  


                "I'll... Be right back, yeah?" Louis mumbles, pushing his chair out and straying away from the table without even waiting for a reply.

  


               He's not really sure what he's doing or what he's going to say. His feet seem to carry him in the direction even if his brain is begging him to stop. Before he knows it he's standing over the table and the word slips from his mouth. "Hi." It's breathy and murmured, but all four necks swivel to him.

  


                He can't see any expression besides Harry's. It lights up like brightest star Louis has ever seen - smiling as he eyes searchingly take in Louis.

  


              Louis had already done so from afar, but now that he's close he takes the chance to really appreciate him. He gets lost in the same sparkling green eyes he'd once believed it was possible to drown in.

  


                 "Hi," Harry finally answers. The word falls out but his smile doesn't falter. Louis feels like they're the only two people in the world, at that moment. But they're not, in fact Harry's family is also squat around the booth and Louis feels a little ignorant and rude, ignoring them.

  


               The first gaze he catches is Gemma's. She's blinking at him with knitted brows, eyes shifting from him to her little brother with a worried expression. He's not so little anymore but Louis gets it. He'd at one point felt the same unmistakeable urge to always protect Harry. Maybe it had taken just as long for him to get over Louis. Maybe this was dangerous and reckless for both of their sanity.

  


              "Louis Tomlinson." Anne is smiling brightly while shaking her head back and forth. "My it's been a long time since we've seen you!"

  


                "It certainly has," he agrees. It's a weird feeling, likes he's being pulled back into a familiar warmth he hasn't felt in years. "I, um, just figured I should come over and say happy birthday?" He doesn't mean for it to sound like a question.

  


               "Yeah, thanks, Lou...it's a really nice surprise, seeing you. It's been too long."

  


                _Six years._

  


                "Do you want to - I mean, we could like squeeze in?" Harry asks awkwardly, surveying the table with raised brows. They all nod in return and he looks back expectantly at Louis.

  


               There's nothing in the world he'd rather do than say yes. He'd like to squeeze in against Harry and laugh over their x-factor memories. They could bask in the glory they'd felt during their fifteen minutes of fame, recount how they felt on top if the world.

  


              But with those memories come the deeper stuff... Like how quickly and effortlessly they had fallen for each other, even though they'd both been unsure of their sexuality prior to it. Louis had a girlfriend at the time, and Harry was so young. All the smiles came with the heaviness of them drifting apart. Louis' head swan with dizziness just thinking about all that there was to say.

  


             "I've, um, I'm keeping my friend waiting," he mumbles with a jerky thumb thrown over his shoulder in the direction of their table. He could see Harry squinting at Ricky, pondering the implications. "Just didn't feel right, not saying happy birthday," he added awkwardly.

  


             "Yeah, thanks mate, appreciate that," Harry nods slowly, still smiling and his gaze back on Louis. "It's nice, seeing you again I mean. It's been too long."

  


              "You should call me sometime, we could meet up for a coffee? Or tea. I don't drink coffee and neither do you - or you didn't. I guess I don't know what you drink now..." Louis rambles off, scratching at the back of his neck. He clears his throat. "I mean, if you're around, you should call me sometime."

  


                 Harry was full of beaming now, studying Louis through narrowed eyes. He was bloody proud that Louis was still a nervous wanker around him. No matter how long had passed, Harry was still the cheeky boy with the smirk that caused Louis to get all tongued tied. Maybe the thought should scare him but for some reason it was comforting. Like the entire world could change, he could grow up and move on but Harry would always be Harry, this undefinable force bringing him back to his youth.

  


               "I'd really like that, Lou."

  


                "Your boyfriend is starring," Gemma comments dryly, jutting her chin out towards the other half of the room. Louis turns to see Ricky swiveled around in his chair eyeing them. He smiles and waves slightly when he catches Louis' attention. He doesn't look irritated or impatient and Louis wonders for the millionth time how he ever dealt with him.

  


                "What? My... No he's just a friend. A co worker, actually. He's not, I mean I don't have a boyfriend..." Louis sputters again. His face is flushing red and Anne looks completely amused.

  


                "Neither does Harry," she responds. Louis remembers the way she always got involved, trying to nudge Harry in a certain direction. She did it out of affection and it was nice to see they were still as close as ever.

  


                Harry gives her a stern gaze and she returns it with an eye roll.

  


                "Well, it was nice running into you. All of you guys. And um, I'll see you, Harry?"

 

                  "Yeah, I'll see you, Lou."

 

                "Happy birthday," he adds as one final thought before spinning on his heel and hurrying back to his own table. He's relieved to see that the bill is waiting on the table for them. "I'll grab this," he tells Ricky with an apologetic smile. "Sorry I took so long."

 

               "He's cute," Ricky says simply. "Your old friend, I mean."

 

                Louis tries but he can't resist the urge to peek back over at Harry. To his excitement it's at the exact moment Harry seems to give in and do the same. They falter over awkward eye contact then both end up grinning like two idiots. He's across the room again but Louis feels so close to him, maybe it's because he hasn't felt the joy of those dimples in years. His teen romance is rushing back to him in full swing. He feels young again, better than he has in years.

 

              "Yeah," Louis finally agrees. "He is."

  


****

  


A couple of days have passed and Louis hasn't heard from Harry. He's trying to convince himself that it doesn't bother him, he never really expected them to hang out, anyway. It'd been six years and obviously Harry had forgotten all about the insecure and loud boy he dated once upon a time.

 

               Louis shouldn't care, he shouldn't... He's a grown man with a salary job and his own apartment. He shouldn't be pining over Harry like a love sick teenager anymore. It's pathetic.

 

             But hadn't it been true that Harry always affected him in such a way? The first time Louis had ever saw Harry he had been mesmerized. He had completely zoned out, despite the bustling of everyone surrounding them. There was just something about him. He had a microphone shoved into a face, a camera pointing on him and an interviewer. His voice was soft and slow, like a lullaby. He smiled cheekily after everything and kept brushing back his hair. Oh his hair, perhaps that had been Louis' favorite part about the visibly young lad. Louis just starred unblinkingly and frozen at him until he was forced into the other direction.

 

              Even so he kept his neck swiveled as he walked, eyes still glued to the unknown boy.

 

             The next time Louis got to see Harry he was on stage singing. If his speaking voice was soft, his singing was even more so. It was angelic and beautiful and quite possibly the greatest sound he'd heard in his eighteen years of existence. Harry Styles, he'd introduced himself as. Louis made a mental note to remember that name, to watch for it long after he'd be eliminated from the competition. Harry was going places, he just knew it.

 

               The first time the two had properly met - not just Louis being a total stalker and starring at him from afar - was in the toilet, of all places. Louis had been feeling a bit nervous, just after giving a performance. He hadn't been entirely happy with it and didn't feel like listening to his mum go on and on about how great he was. So he ducked into the loo.

 

              He nearly lost his breath when he spotted none other than Harry leaned over the sink, washing his hands. He caught Louis' eye in the mirror and smiled broadly.

 

             Louis let out the breath he was holding and with the exhale came the word "hi." He didn't know why his mouth curled into a cheek splitting grin, but he couldn't help it.

 

                Harry turned and waved, in doing so a sprinkle of water from his hands sprayed over Louis. "Oops!" He quickly grabbed a sheet of paper towel and offered it to Louis who shook his head in return. Harry shrugged and proceeded to dry off his own hands. "Hi," he echoed. "I'm Harry."

 

                "I know," Louis said quickly. Then he felt like a complete idiot and tacked on "I saw you up on stage earlier, you were really amazing."

 

              "Really?" He gave a sheepish smile in return. "I was worried I um, sounded like I was trying too hard?"

 

                Louis shook his head quickly. "No, no! Absolutely not..." He dug through his pocket and pulled out the marker he'd stashed in there earlier. Then he reached for the paper towel and ripped off a piece. "Here, give me your autograph!" He commanded without thinking.

 

                "What?" Harry blinked at him in shock but he was smiling ear to ear. " _Why_?"

 

                "Because one day you're going to be famous, and I want to be able to say I got your very first autograph."

 

                Louis had never seen such a bright and overwhelming smile. Harry looked completely gleeful, like a child on Christmas morning. All Louis could do was grin back at the boy and think the whole world should know your name.

 

               He got him mum to take a picture of them together and they were off on their separate ways. Louis hoped he'd run into Harry again, but he never. He did briefly after his name hadn't been called but he was too gutted to say goodbye. Louis sulked off and as far as he knew he'd never see the boy again. He didn't know why that bothered him so much.

  

           But then everything changed, his entire life was thrown upside down. They were becoming a group! Harry and Louis and three other lads he'd only seen briefly. It was a moment of pure joy and Harry scooped Louis up into his arms.

 

             From that moment on it was louisandharry or harryandlouis. They became known as this one identity within the group. Niall always told them how weird it was - that they finished each others sentences within days. Louis became increasingly close with all of the lads, it was the greatest feeling in the world having all these awesome lads who practically became like brothers to him. But it was different with Harry, always different.

 

               Louis' entire life became consumed with emerald green eyes and his fingers tangled in curly hair. He couldn't help the magnetic pull that always made him touch Harry, somewhere, anywhere, as long as they were touching. And Harry didn't mind - actually his arm always seemed to be thrown around Louis neck and when he got home sick he initiated the cuddling and sharing a bed. And it was as simple as that, without even thinking about it Louis fell in love with him. Effortlessly, like breathing. Loving Harry was wired into his brain.

 

               And then one day they kissed. Louis can't even remember who it was that leaned in first, all he can remember is the scared thoughts running through his head and cursing through his veins. It was terrifying and new, Louis had never kissed a boy before. But it felt right. He knew the second their lips came apart he never wanted to not kiss Harry. It became his new favorite hobby.

 

              Harry loved him too. They made plans for the future - plans involving touring the world together as a famous boyband, moving to London together. Some plans were even more distant - like who would walk down the aisle in their wedding and how many children they'd have. They even picked out their names.

 

              They took in their new stardom together, hand in hand. (Metaphorically of course, there relationship was far too new and fresh for public scrutiny. They'd come out when they were good and ready. Just not yet.) They comforted each other when they didn't win the X factor, and had the time of their lives touring England after the show ended. They were convinced this was what their life would be from then on - the amount of support they had was overwhelming.

 

             But then as quickly as it started, it stopped. They lost a lot of their attention, passed off to some new teen heart throb in America. The record deal that had felt so close they could touch it was yanked from their grasp and everything around them came tumbling down. Louis was forced back to Doncaster, his mates all returning to their home.

 

              Harry and Louis promised through kisses that they'd be able to handle the distance - they made schedules to Skype and planned weekend visits. But it was too hard, too soon. They never even broke up, really. Phone calls just became scarce until they stopped altogether. It was the hardest thing Louis ever went through, even harder than watching his fifteen minutes of fame and life plans crumble.

 

               Getting over Harry took forever. Or then again, maybe he never hard, since he's pacing around the kitchen wondering why he hasn't called. The thought makes him throat burn with the sensation of coming tears but he convinced himself he didn't care and just blinked any traces away.

 

*****

 

**I realized that I don't even have your number anymore. How sad is it that we have to get in touch through facebook now? Anyway, if you're still up for coffee (tea, I still drink tea), text me. xx.**

 

             Underneath was a phone number and Louis starred at the screen for so long without blinking that he gave himself a headache. He'd completely convinced himself that Harry was never going to contact him - it never even occurred to him that he'd changed his number in the past six years. Duh.

 

             It takes him far too long to muster up the ability to reply. But eventually he takes a deep breath and puts on his metaphorical big boy pants. He's written a bloody _thesis_ paper, he can compose a message to his ex boyfriend.

 

               After he finally gets it sent, Harry's reply is almost instant. And that starts off text after text, fired back and forth so quickly Louis barely has time to think about what's happening because there's another witty text in his inbox, littered with smiley and wink faces. It's natural and easy and Louis wonders when the last time he'd felt like this was. The last time he'd been so giddy his heart could literally burst with it.

 

            It's a wonderful feeling. One that Louis had long since convinced himself just came along with being young and inexperienced, enjoying all the stuff that came with love. But right now he knows that it's not age, it's Harry.  The only person who ever made him feel like his stomach was on fire - in a good way?

 

             And just like that they're harryandlouis all over again. They text back and forth until ridiculous hours of the night. Louis keeps trying to force himself to say good night - he's got work in the morning, after all. But he can't bring himself too. This all feels to delicate, like walking on a cloud. One wrong step and he'll be falling back to reality.

 

              He wants to stay as far from reality as possible. Because reality doesn't have Harry and Louis has always felt complete when it comes to him.

 

               They make plans for the next day, four o'clock at a coffee shop Harry suggests. Louis knows the place, it's actually only a few blocks from him so he could walk straight from work. He's never been there, from what he's seen it's got a younger vibe. But he doesn't care, not right now. He'd meet Harry in an alleyway if he suggested it.

 

            Harry's message says he's so tired he can barely keep his eyes open, but he doesn't want to stop texting. Louis smiles down at the screen like an idiot, grin spread so far across his cheeks. He could vividly remember sleepy Harry, curled up into his side, cuddly and sweet. He can remember it so clearly that it hurts. With a slight reluctance he tells Harry to go to bed, they'll talk in the morning. He tacks on a smiley face because he imagines Harry feels the same way he does right now - afraid to say good night and come to realize it was really goodbye. If this was the last time they were going to talk like this, he wanted it to last as long as possible.

 

            But there was a solid promise of tomorrow - Louis could be confident in that now. He went to sleep thinking about how he'd like to turn _tomorrow_ into _forever_.

 

*****

 

He's on edge all day. So much so that even his coworkers seem to notice. Nora had teased him relentlessly through lunch and Ricky had been eyeing him carefully all day.

 

            "Alright, what are you on about?" Ricky finally asks during their shared free period. He's sitting with his feet propped up against another desk, lunch and sheets of paper spread around him.

 

             Louis glances up from the paper work strewn around his own area and chews on his pen cap. "What do you mean?" He tries to act coy, offering up an innocent shrug. He's going stir crazy, glancing at the clock every two minutes to see if it's time to go yet. Sometimes he thinks ten minutes must have passed but in reality only one has.

 

            "You're acting odd, something's up," Ricky accuses, squinting his eyes through the lenses of his thick rimmed glasses.

 

            "I'm not," Louis denies and them sneaks another peak at the digital numbers on his desktop.

 

           Ricky just snorts at him. "You most definitely are, Lou. But fine, if you don't feel like talking about it I won't press. Just know you can always talk to me... About anything."

 

             Louis tries a smile and nods in return. He's not sure that's quite true, though. Because Louis knows that Ricky has feelings for him that run deeper than the platonic relationship they've got going. He has known since the drunken snog they shared on Halloween. He notices it in the attentive way Ricky looks at him, the smile that seems to be reserved for Louis.

 

             But Louis has never been ready for anything with Ricky - he always fucks up his relationships and their friendship was always important. Not to mention they work together. And maybe there was something there between them - Louis had been going back and forth on whether or not he should just jump in already at dinner that night.

 

           But then he saw Harry. And Ricky is a great guy but he will never be Harry.

 

            Louis knows why he was never ready, why he pushed himself away from others all the time before. There has always been an imprint left on his heart, one carved in by Emerald green eyes and curly hair. By dimpled smiles and kisses that felt like literal fire works. Louis has never fully recovered from the tornado Harry Styles had created into his life.

 

             And now he has the chance to go back and try it again, to make it work this time. It's not something he's willing to give up.

 

*****

 

"Can I get you anything to drink, love?" A young girl asks Louis with a bright smile. She's got a pencil tucked into her ear, which for some reason stands out to him. He catches himself studying it for too long and failing to answer.

 

             "Uh, no thanks, I'm just going to wait for my - my friend?" It comes out like a question because Louis has no idea what to call Harry. Not that the girl probably even cares who the hell Louis has a cuppa with. He's a blubbering idiot, so preoccupied in his own thoughts he barely catches her eye roll as she walks away.

 

             He can't help the excessive way his finger tips are dancing onto the tabletop, tapping out a steady beat in rhythm with the rap song over head. He's bloody nervous.

 

              It feels like an eternity - though in reality only ten minutes - but eventually the bell over the door rings, singling a new guest. Louis looks up - as he had everytime he heard the chime - and instantly his shoulders relax at the sight of Harry. Louis had been able to tell he was tall even from just seeing him crammed into the booth, but when he's standing it's a little shocking just how big he is. He's all lanky limbs, wearing ripped up black jeans and a plaid button up that he's left open. His hair is pushed back with a SnapBack, long and flowy on his neck. He should be a model, Louis decides in that moment. He'd buy whatever he was selling.

 

              "Hey." Is voice is steady and low, a smile playing on the cusp of his lips. He pulls out a chair and sits opposite Louis. "This may be inappropriate to say but you look really hot."

 

              A blush takes over his cheeks but Louis grins. "I was actually just thinking the exact same thing."

 

              Harry takes that moment to pull off his hat and strands of hair fall down to frame his angular face. They're not quite so curly now, but still very beautiful. "Of course you were, Tommo. Never could resist me, yeah?"

 

              Louis finds his shin and gives it the slightest kick under the table. "You're full of shit, Haz." He doesn't even really mean to say it, the name just sort of rolls off his tongue.

 

               "Boy, s'been a long time since anyone's called me that," Harry smirks with a thoughtful expression. His gaze is steady on Louis' with a hint of seriousness.

 

               "Not since the X factor?" Louis questions.

 

              "Nah, just you and the other lads called me that. Gem tried once I think after wards but I seem to remember almost biting her head off over it."

 

              Louis let's out a loud bark of laughter. The sound surprises him and he almost chokes on it. "That's the Harry I knew and loved." That slips out too, and shit he hadn't meant to say something so heavy like that. Discussing the past and the future that they were supposed to have together would be too much - and Harry seems to have the same thought because he glides over the comment.

 

              "Have you seen any of the other lads since?"

 

              "Zayn, once, at a party. His girlfriend and Stan went to the same college. It was years ago. He was getting an English Lit degree, I do believe."

 

               Harry nods, thinking. "I always thought I'd see his artwork somewhere, and I figured I'd see Liam on the Telly. Winning Brits or something."

 

               "Now come on, if I'd have said anyone was going to make it, it'd have been you. Thought so from the moment I saw you," Louis reminds him. He leaves out the part where he really, really had hoped the five of them would have conquered it together,that they wouldn't be discussing distant memories years later in a coffee shop.

 

                Harry shrugs and smiles, but it's a secret smile that Louis can't quite read.

 

               "And where did you think I would be?" Louis asks, not sure what he wants the answer to be.

 

                Harry sighs heavily then chews on his lip. It's a few beats before he answers but when he does his voice is lower, even smaller than normal. "Honestly, I tried not to think about you or your future. As far as I was concerned your future was supposed to include me."

 

               Louis didn't know one sentence could hold so much feelings and memories and pain and joy. But that's what the words made him feel - a roller coaster of emotions that consume him and make it hard to breathe or think straight.

 

               They just stare at each other for a couple of more seconds, like time is catching up to them. But Louis still isn't ready for this yet. He loves the ease of their conversation, the way Harry makes him feel six years younger and much brighter.

 

                "Liam invite you to his wedding?" Louis asks to break the trap they were falling into.

 

                Harry nods slowly. "Yeah, I regret not going." Louis feels that exact way too. But it had been too soon after their collapse - he had just been getting over everything and the wounds were fresh. He'd always wondered what if he had gone... "His kids are adorable."

 

                "Daddy Direction," Louis chuckles fondly. "I'm sure we gave him some good practice, always trying to keep us lot in line."

 

                They order their drinks and launch into repellents of old stories from their One Direction days. They recount things like spin the Harry and Megamind. They both have a good chuckle over the state of nerves Niall was in the day Justin Bieber was on the live show. They remember old pranks and food fights and good times. They don't talk about shared promises or kisses or secret touches.

 

              They talk and reminisce until they've both drunk two teas each and shared a piece of cheesecake. Louis suggests they go for a walk in the nearby park and Harry agrees before going to pay their cheque - even though Louis tried to insist on doing so.

 

             The night air is cold, he has to pull his jacket tighter around his thin frame, but it's worth it. Anything is worth it for just a moment with Harry.

 

              "So how did your future end up, anyway?" Harry says to break the silence. Their hands are slightly bumping against each other and Louis has to fight the urge not to grab at it. "I know earlier I said I didn't ever think about it, but that's not quite true. I wanted you to be happy, always."

 

             Louis swallows hard and smiles. "I went to school, studied theatre. I teach at a local high school, actually." Louis bites his lip and looks up at the sky that's just starting to darken, traces of the setting sun still visible far on the horizon. "It's not much," he adds nervously. "But, um, I like it." He suddenly feels so small under Harry's gaze - like he had so much expectations for his life and in a way he kind of failed himself.

 

            Of course Harry proves him wrong just like always. "It sounds perfect for you, Lou," he grinned while bumping their shoulders together. Every bit of negative energy left Louis' body and he felt like a mess of happiness, jelly for kneecaps. "I can picture you doing that. I bet you're the best teacher. And that all the girls fond over how fit you are," he then adds with a wink and Louis rolls his eyes.

 

              "Yeah, I'm pretty sure they've got a fan club for me." His breath is visible in the air as he spoke. He lets out another exhale and watches as it curdles upwards. "I bet you're the president of that fan club," he adds as an after thought.

 

               "You know it," Harry smirks while pumping his fist into the air. "I'm actually wearing an I heart Louis shirt under this," he teases and pops the collar of his jacket.

 

             "You're such a twat." His voice is filled with affection that he can't seem to hide.

 

            Harry seems unphased by the insult, actually it only seems to make his smile grow a bit bigger in size. "In all seriousness, though, you like teaching? You're happy?"

 

             Louis mules the question over for a second before answering. He loved teaching drama - it was something he'd always been passionate about and he enjoyed sharing that with the students. His favorite - and consequently most stressful - time of the year is directing the spring plays. He's actually got auditions for Grease coming up within two weeks. He loved doing it in highschool and can't wait to see a whole new generation take it on.

 

              But he's not sure if whether he likes his job and whether he's happy go hand in hand.

 

             "I like teaching." Omittenace wasn't really lying.

 

             Harry nods thoughtfully. His expression has changed from the goofy grin to something deeper and unknown to Louis. "So you feel like it's what you should be doing? Like it's what you want to be doing?"

 

            There's something underneath the surface, trying to poke out. Louis can't quite see it yet but he's sure Harry will eventually reveal what's trapped in his head. "I mean, there's always stuff I thought I'd end up doing when I was younger. I thought maybe I'd be a pro football player or something. And then I wanted to be a singer - after the xfactor I wanted to be in a band with my best mates. Once upon a time I thought I wanted to be famous."

 

             "But you don't want that anymore?" Harry inquires softly, a hint of saddness in his eyes.

 

              Louis stops walking and grabs Harry's hand. They're directly under a street lamp and it's dark now, it casts a spotlight on them. Illuminating all the beautiful features on Harry's face. "Hey, I don't mean I'm glad that the band didn't work out and we went our separate ways. I'm just saying maybe what I thought I wanted when I was eighteen isn't what I would want now - maybe being famous just wouldn't be the life for me."

 

              Harry's head bobs once with a tiny nod, eyes never unlocking their gaze from Louis'. He swallow so hard that Louis can trace the movement of his Adam's apple with his eyes.

 

             "Do you... Um my flat isn't... It's not far from here if you want to come over for a bit," Louis stumbles over the words but eventually the offer tumbles out and it sits there between them, hanging in the air for a moment as Harry blinks at him.

 

              He doesn't give an answer, instead just leans in and softly brushes their lips together. It's so gentle Louis can barely feel it - it's like the aching reminiscence of a kiss, like his brain is imagining it.

 

             "Yes," Harry breathe against his cheek, hot air fanning over his skin. "Yes, I'd love too."

 

              Louis slips his hand back securely into Harry's and they turn and walk in the other direction. Louis leads the way and they're silent, no sound except for the gravel crunching underneath their shoes. It occurs to him that he should ask Harry what he does now - but he has a feeling that there's more to it. He's a selfish bastard but he doesn't want to trudge up emotions that may ruin whatever is seemingly going to happen.

 

             Harry keeps peeking at him and shooting him little smiles in the elevator ride up to his floor. The only thing he's said since changing directions was "this is a nice place," as Louis buzzed himself into the building.

 

             His flat isn't much - one bedroom, a bathroom and a small kitchen that attaches to the front room. Harry doesn't seem to care about the cramped corners though. He wastes no time after kicking off his boots - turning around and pushing Louis up against the closed door.

 

             He presses kisses into the exposed skin if Louis collarbone while Louis just stands there with his hands by his side, blinking by the shock of it. Harry seems frustrated by his lack of response because he grabs ahold of his chin and forces their faces to meet. Then it's like a spark of something jolts inside Louis and all he can do is cling harder to Harry and kiss him back like he's trying to make up for the past six years.

 

             Harry scoops him up and holds him against the wall while Louis wraps his arms around his waist. "I missed," Harry says roughly between kisses. "This. So. Much." It's raw and full of emotions.

 

            Louis tries to pull himself closer, to close any inch of space between them. "Me too, Haz." He inhales deeply. "Me too."

 

            "Bedroom?" He inquires, pulling back a little bit. His hand trails from Louis' inner thighs to his stomach, grazing the bulge in his pants on the way.

 

            "Yeah - um that way," he nods in the direction and Harry effortlessly carries him that way. And fuck is that hot.

 

             Harry lays him down on the bed and holds himself over him. Louis immediately let's his hand reach for Harry's belt, fumbling with the loops.

 

            "Wait," Harry then says, pulling back with a cringing expression.

 

             It feels like every ounce of blood drains from Louis' body, leaving him cold and shocked. How could Harry be so into it two second ago and now seem to dread anything happening.

 

              "Okay." Louis swallows around the words, trying to ignore the burning in his throat.

 

               "Fuck - I'm an idiot..." He mumbles. His eyes exaggeratedly scan Louis body and he winces. "I... I wish I could just go through with this and not ruin it by speaking. But I can't, you mean to god damn much to me, Louis."

 

             "What are you going on about?" Louis tries his best to keep his voice light but he feels like a tsunami is washing over him. He's surely about to drown.

 

              "Louis I can't just fuck you and lead you on without telling you - fuck... I'm moving in two weeks. To America."

 

              "Oh." There's a million things he should say or ask - but only the one syllable escapes as a squeak from his mouth.

 

              "Louis..." It's followed by a long pause but eventually Harry speaks again. "I'm sorry, I just... I don't want you to think this would just be a quick lay or anything. This is you and me... We've always been more than that. When I saw you it just brought back so many old feelings I've tried to ignore. Just seeing you made me want to stay. I just... I had to tell you before anything happened. If you want me to go I'll completely understand..."

 

            So many thoughts are running through his head - he was a complete mess the last time he lost Harry. Can he do this knowing it'll happen all over again? He wants to be strong and tell Harry that would be for the best... But...

 

            "No, stay."

 

             It's familiar and new and Louis clings to Harry and his body feels things he hasn't remembered feeling in years. It's passion mixed with pleasure, emotions tangled with every moan that escapes his lips. It's kindled with love and he still knows the places of Harry's body like it was made for him.

 

            And then when it's over he falls asleep with Harry curled around his back, thinking about how tomorrow could turn into two weeks, but not _forever_.

 

*****

 

It's been a while since Louis has woken up with his face smashed against the bare chest of a man. It's been way too long since that person was Harry.

 

             The sun is filtering in through his window and he shields his eyes against it.

 

             "Hi." Harry's voice is rough with sleep. It's silky and soft all the same and Louis can easily recall a time where all he wanted was to wake up to that voice and the half closed green eyes starring at him. There's a part of him who still wants that - so bad that his stomach rolls uneasily at the thought.

 

             "Hey," he whispers back. He's thankful it doesn't come out as please don't go. Though he's sure that's exactly what his face reads. "How'd you sleep?"

 

              Harry's smiling but it's small and reserved, holding back something even bigger. "Great. I slept great, forgot how warm you were -"

 

             "Like your personal space heater," Louis finishes for him and tries to ignore the ache that's taking over his entire body. It's slight compared to what he's felt before - he wonders if that feeling is just on the horizon. Like this is a preview, a reminder of what it feels like to lose Harry.

 

              Harry nods slowly and let's his fingers tickle the small of Louis' back. He sinks into the touch, curling closer into the not so small boy. "We should talk about..."

 

              "You moving?" He's good at completing Harry's sentences. It's fitting since he's alway felt they conplete each other. "Let's not talk about it. Not just yet." He's only now gotten Harry back - he wants to enjoy it before the inevitable.

 

             "Alright, Lou." The words are pressed against the back of his shoulder blade, finished with a kiss. "Whatever you want."

 

            Not whatever he wants - because Louis wants Harry. Always has wanted Harry - like some pathetic twat stuck in the past, shielded by a relationship that lasted less than a year.

 

              If he can't have that then he wants bacon. And eggs. Like Harry used to make him. If he can't have Harry forever he wants as much of him as he can right now.

 

              The thing about Louis though is that he changes his mind easily. So while Harry is frying eggs in just tight little pants, he gets distracted and no longer cares about his rumbling stomach. Harry swats him away at first but it doesn't take much to change his mind.

 

             They take turns getting off while the bacon crackles and burns. Then when it's over they start again, just for the hell of it. Though they have to stop midway because the smoke detectors blare.

 

              Louis could enjoy cramming as much Harry as he can into two weeks.

 

             But the was never questionable - it's just how hard it's going to be when he's gone.

 

*****

 

"I think I'm going to try the red velvet," Harry muses as his eyes search the menu board looming over their head. "That sounds good, yeah?" He turns expectantly to Louis.

 

              "You don't like chocolate." Louis says it flatly with confidence, though he's not entirely sure if Harry still dislikes chocolate flavors. He's enjoying relearning all the little details about him. Like just this afternoon he got to be reminded of how much Harry liked shower sex. Consequently he also remembers how much he liked it.

 

            "I don't, which is why I'm not getting chocolate. I'm getting red velvet."

 

           Note to self; still as stubborn as ever. Louis catches himself grinning at his thoughts and blushes slightly. "Yes but it's essentially just red flavored chocolate."

 

             Harry's nose wrinkles and he turns to the young boy behind the counter. "Is this true?"

 

             The boy shrugs indifferently and Louis doubts he even knows what Harry is asking. Or what red velvet is.

 

             "I'll have a red velvet, thanks. Lou?"

 

             "Peanut butter," Louis answers without switching his gaze from Harry's profile. Louis pays this time and they take their frozen yogurt. "Over there." He uses his elbow to nudge Harry in the direction of a park bench; it's facing an empty playground.

 

            Louis sits first and then Harry plants his butt down so he's nearly on top of Louis.

 

             "How's the red velvet?" Louis asks just as he's about to indulge on a delicious spoonful of peanut buttery goodness.

 

             "Chocolatey," comes a sulking reply. Harry was stirring his spoon around in the bright red yogurt, a displeased look on his face. It's so cute that Louis is torn between wanting to kiss him and rejoicing over being right.

 

                "Is that so?" He decides he'll do both.

 

                "Yes, Lou, it's chocolatey. I was wrong." Harry huffs and his lips circle into a small pout.

 

                "And if you were wrong that would make me... What?"

 

               Harry glares at him squarely, jaw set tight, but Louis can see the slight way it's tugging upward into the beginnings of a smile. "Some things never change." He doesn't get to finish the words before he's full on beaming. "You were right, Louis. You're a genius and know everything and I'm a fool for not listening too you."

 

              "Forgot how nice it was to hear that," Louis says while tapping Harry on the nose. "And I didn't even have to tickle it out of you." They share a secret look that could only be understood by them. Thinking of all the times Louis had made him repeat the sentence while Harry thrashed around trying to get Louis to stop tickling him. It only took a few times of him resisting before he almost said it instantly. Louis' genuinely surprised he still remembers it word for word.

 

              He swallows down the rising "and what else?" that's trying to claw it's way up his throat. He always responded that way and Harry finished with an I love you. Louis doesn't ask what else because he's not sure he could handle facing either possible responses.

 

             "How's the peanut butter?"

 

              Louis looks down at the cup full thats starting to glisten, melting in the spring sunshine. "I haven't tasted it yet. But it's a solid choice, I'd imagine it's delicious."

 

              "Peanut butter is my favorite."

 

              Louis laughs lightly, his stomach bobbing with the movement. "I know that."

 

              Harry smiles. Louis wonders when either of them will stop being shocked by just how much the other remembers. It's like neither of them have forgotten a detail; like it all happened just last week.

 

              "You're in luck, Haz. I happen to love red velvet - I only ordered this because I knew you'd hate it and we could trade." It's true. He holds out the cup as an offering to Harry.

 

             Instead of taking it Harry cupped his giant hand over Louis' face and kisses him hard. When he pulled away he whispered he words "you make it so easy to love you," before taking the frozen yogurt.

 

             Louis tries to smile back and nods slightly before switching his focus to the red yogurt Harry had mucked up. He thinks about the heat of the spring sun, the empty playground, the scuffs on his sneakers - anything to not think about the boy next to him and the torturous words he speaks. To not think about just how close he was to having this back - only to be ripped from his hands.

 

              If Harry notices his change in mood he doesn't acknowledge it, just happily slurps on his frozen treat.

 

             "Likewise." Louis can't help it, the words slip out as he exhales without thought.

 

            Harry's mouth is opening and he's about to say something. But he's cut off by a girl standing in front of them, casting her shadow and blocking out the sun. "Okay so this is totally weird," she's saying sheepishly. "But you're Louis and Harry, yeah? From the X factor... One Direction wasn't it?"

 

             They exchanged an amused smile. Louis can barely even remember what it feels like to be recognized everywhere, asked for a picture or autograph. It's been so long since it happened.

 

              "Yeah, that's us." Harry sounds absolutely giddy as he responds.

 

             "I knew it! Brett, come over, I told you I was right!" She shouts at a man a few feet away, looking like a cross between irritated and amused. It strikes Louis as sickeningly familar, an expression Harry had worn constantly. She turns back to them. "He told me I was just being crazy, but I knew I'd recognize you too. I used to stay up late and vote for you guys all the time. I'd have to sneak the phone under the covers. Right, hun?" She looks for confirmation from the man.

 

            "Yeah," he chuckles. "She was pretty obsessed."

 

             "I forced Brett to take me to your concert," she giggled. "God this is so exciting - Claire is going to be so jealous."

 

              "That's really cool, we always loved meeting fans, right Lou?"

 

             "What? Oh yeah, right. That we did," Louis agrees while trying to conceal the annoyance. Harry seems to love this but Louis would honestly just rather they leave them alone.

 

              "It's cool to know you guys are still close, I was so sad when you split up. Do you see the others often, too?"

 

             "Sometimes, yeah," Harry lied and that pissed Louis off more than anything.

 

            "No we don't. This is the first time we've seen-"

 

            Harry cuts Louis off with a smile. "So you two have been together for a long time then? If you went to our concert together." Harry assumes, nodding at the couple.

 

            "We're actually on our honey moon!" She gushes.

 

             "Well congratulations!"

 

             "Thanks. Are you still with Hannah, Louis?" She asks with an expectant smile. Louis wants to snap back something less than polite but he bites his tongue.

 

           "I'm gay." He states simply. "We're-"

 

           "So where did you have your wedding too?" Harry cuts him off once again and Louis isn't sure he's ever been so mad in his entire life. The girl seems to not even hear Harry's question, surprised by Louis' comment.

 

             "Wales," she answered distractedly. "At the church my parents wed."

 

             "That's beautiful." Harry Styles, always the charmer. It's all Louis can do from getting up and storming away. He can't even figure out why he's so angry, he just wants this couple to leave and them to go back to their lovely afternoon. He's finding it hard to breathe and wants to convince himself that the water in his eyes is from the brightness of the sun. Harry and the girl are still talking but he's not even listening, doesn't even realize right away when they're gone.

 

              It's not until Harry says "our fans are getting married now... God has it been that long? They were just young girls," that Louis snaps back into the moment.

 

             "Fans?" Louis scoffs. "What fans, Harry? We had fifteen fucking minutes of fame. That's all."

 

             "What's gotten into you?" Harry demands with furrowed brows.

 

            Louis doesn't answer, just focuses on inhaling and exhaling while starring at the empty swing set.  It looks wrong, like there should be children laughing and begging to go higher. He stares at it with a hollow feeling in his chest and it's absentminded when he stands from the bench and walks across the gravel. It's almost like an unconscious decision when he goes through the gate and continues straight for the set. He gives himself a little push after being seated and kicks his legs back and forth, going higher and gaining more speed.

 

            Eventually Harry is sitting next to him, doing the exact same. Neither say a word, the only sound is the alternating squeaks of the rusty chains.

 

            Harry eventually stops. "Louis, hey, what's wrong?" He murmurs it weakly, gripping onto the steel and starring expectantly. "Louis," he says harsher after he's ignored. "Would you fucking stop and talk to me?"

 

              "Don't curse in a playground, Harry."

 

             "That's all you've got to say, then?" His tone is rough, nostrils flared.

 

             "I'm tired. Let's go back," he whispers, trying not to dwell on the fact that he just assumed Harry would be returning to his flat once again instead of going home.

 

             "Fine," Harry agrees immediately.

 

             "You can fuck me, if you want," Louis tosses out casually as he stops pumping his legs and let's his feet drag in the rocks, slowing his gathered momentum. He instantly misses the whooshing under his arms, the feeling of being a kid again.

 

             "What happened to not cursing in a playground?"

 

              Louis shrugs as they start walking in unison to the exit. "That was before I decided I want to have sex."

 

             Harry let's out a small bark of laughter. It's still awkward but the tension has lessened. Harry even grabs hold of his hand on the drive back.

 

*****

 

It's not until late at night - or early in the morning, depending on the way you look at it - that Louis realizes why he was so upset this evening. It's not until after rounds of sex and blow jobs while he's laying on his back, starring at the the ceiling that he finally understands.

 

            "You want to know what got into me?" He half whispers into the darkness that surrounds them. He doubts Harry's even awake, so it surprises him when there's a clearing of a throat next to him.

 

            "More than anything." There's a weakness in his voice that makes Louis actually believe him. Harry had been watching him carefully all night, trying to figure out why he was upset.

 

            A couple of deep inhales and slow exhales and Louis has found the courage to say what's on his mind. "That should have been your life, Harry. Fans, fame, the whole works. You deserved that and you were good enough. The whole world should know your fucking name by now. Maybe we held you back from that - maybe I held you back. Dead weight that you tried to carry along for the ride - that's the life you wanted and still want. And fuck me if I'm the one who ruined it for you."

 

           "Shut the fuck up, I swear to god," Harry replied angrily. "Shut the fuck and don't talk about yourself that way. It may not be what you want now - but you were good enough, too. You didn't hold me back - if you ever call yourself dead weight again I swear I'll punch you in the face. Fuck, how can you even say that, Louis?" There was a small bang and Louis isn't sure because his eyes are closed but from the slight vibration of the head board he figures Harry hit it.

 

              He doesn't have the strength to answer. He doesn't really have anything to say either.

 

               "If it weren't for you and the lads I would have been sent home during bootcamp, and you know that. If I was so good on my own - I would have made it through on my own. But I never, Louis. And guess what? I wouldn't trade what happened for a solo career anyway. That experience was the best of my life. And I owe that to you, all to you. So fuck, remember that before you go and call yourself fucking dead weight again. Fuck."

 

            There's a dip in the mattress and then Louis is alone in the bed. He should get up and follow Harry. But he doesn't for unknown reasons - maybe because he's a coward, maybe because if Harry leaves now it'll hurt less than him leaving in two weeks.

 

            "I love you," he whispers into the empty space surronding him.

 

*****

 

Louis wakes up to the sound of birds chirping. He irrationally wishes he had a shot gun by his beside and could shut the birds up. He should embrace the welcoming of spring but he's too pissed off at everything to stop and smell the roses, and all that garbage.

 

            It's Monday morning. He's supposed to be at work in forty five minutes. There's a half corrected stack of Macbeth act 3 summaries on his kitchen table still. It's an impulse decision as he picks up his mobile and dials his bosses number. He's too sick to come in, he explains. Luckily his boss actually likes him and Louis doesn't take sick days very often. She wishes him well and he thanks her.

 

             As soon as he hangs up he regrets calling in the first place. Because now he's awake and he's got the whole day ahead of him. It's quiet and the bed sheets next to him are rumpled, there should still be a person lying in them but Louis fucked that up. He fucked it up big time.

 

           Louis is alone... So the smell of bacon frying is quite alarming. He's up and out of bed within seconds, feet padding against the cool hardwood, towards the kitchen.

 

            He hoped it was Harry and logically that's the best explaination. But he's still surprised to see the lad back turned to him, hunched slightly over the stove.

 

             "Hi," Louis says weakly. He realizes it's a dumb thing to say - there's so much else he could fill the silence with.

 

           Harry turns and flicks Louis in the face with water. "Oops," he says with a huge smirk and Louis just wants to grab ahold of him and kiss him for his entire life. They share a smile for what seems like an eternity before Harry speaks again. "I shouldn't have left."

 

            "I shouldn't have let you. I'm glad you're still here."

 

            "I'm not going anywhere." Dimples popped into his cheeks as he made promises Louis knew he wasn't going to keep. Louis didn't bother correcting him - he is going somewhere, half way across the world in twelve days. He knows better now than to put so much faith into words. They're easily broken. He's as much to blame as Harry is.

 

              Harry turns his attention on the stove once again, flipping the cracklingly bacon.

 

              "Breakfast?" Louis inquired, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist and peering over his shoulder.

 

              "Yes, since I ruined it yesterday." There's a mishcevious tone to his voice and Louis has to swallow hard, remembering the view on Harry bent over his table. He presses his body harder against Harry without even really being consious of it. "Hey, if you keep shoving that against my arse I'm going to ruin breakfast all over again."

 

               "That's fine," Louis murmurs with his teeth against Harry's neck. "Just means you'll have to stay again tonight and try tomorrow."

 

                Harry laughs lightly and Louis feels the vibrations through his body. "If you ask me to stay, I will, Lou. If you want me to be here every night then I will. So let's not sacrifice a perfectly great breakfast for nothing, yeah?"

 

              Louis nods and presses one light kiss to the spot where his shoulder met his neck. "Okay." He releases his tight grip around Harry's tiny waist and twists to lean against the counter. He happily watches Harry do his stuff, peppering eggs and buttering toast with awe. It's hard to believe that just three nights ago he was starring dumbfounded across a restaurant at the not so young boy he'd loved and let get away. Now Harry's cooking him breakfast and saying sweet things and it all feels so surreal.

 

              There's moments where Louis gets caught up in it all and forgets that there's a definite time line here, one with a halting ending. In his weakest moments he really let's himself think that this could be his happily ever after.

 

     

*****          

               

"Come on," a lazy naked Harry says while starring up at Louis with a pout. "Please, just stay in bed with me all day long, doesn't that sound lovely?"

 

              "Of course it does, Haz. It sounds lovely and it has been lovely all week. But I have a job I kind of fancy keeping, and I cannot call in sick for the fifth day in a row."

 

             He's rummaging through his closet trying to find something to wear - he feels like he hasn't been out of his pyjamas pants this entire week. But he thinks the thought with a smile on his face, enjoying all the memories of waking up to morning sex and watching crappy romantic comedies and eating ridiculous amounts of junk and then some more sex.

 

            But he still has a life - one he'd like to keep on living once Harry ultimately lives, and he's been ignoring Ricky and Nora's calls. Not to mention he's got the first round of auditions for Grease at lunch. He owes it to his students to show up, owes it to himself.

 

             "The blue one," Harry says, breaking him from his thougths.

 

             Louis purses his lips and eyes the two ties he's holding. "You sure?" He asks skeptcially.

 

            "Yes, it will bring out your eyes. Now, if you can't stay in bed with me all day you at least need to give me some morning head." Harry says it completely neutral and serious which causes Louis to snort out a laugh.

 

            "You're going to be the death of me. Don't you have a job you should he at?"

 

            "I did. But I quit it to do what I loved. Hence the moving."

 

            Louis forces himself to turn to the mirror and start looping the tie around his collar. It's the first time they've brought of the finality of all of this in days. They've avoided any mention of moving or America or the fact that they ultimately had no future together. But now Harry says it so causally like it's the simplest thing in the world and Louis has to fight the urge to throw up all over his shiny shoes.

 

            "Got to go. Help yourself to anything in the house - I've got fourth period free so we can talk then."

 

           "What about lunch? Can I bring you lunch?"

 

           "Going to be super busy with auditions. Cook us a nice dinner or something, okay? Candlelight or something. I'll see you later, Haz." He leans down to press a kiss to Harry's lips and ignores the screaming in his brain telling him that this is so far from causal.

 

*****

 

"And why do we think -" Louis is cut off by the bell ringing, he had been so caught up in catching up on the lesson plan that he'd completely lost track of time. "Saved by the bell today, Miss Summers," he smirks at the young girl he'd been in the process of asking a question. "Enjoy your lunch break, and I hope to see some of you in the auditorium for auditions. Lots of different jobs, so don't think just because you don't sing means you can't be apart of it."

 

            Students are already packed up and gone halfway through his speech and Louis smiles at that, remembering the urgency of being a teenager and always in a rush to go somewhere else more exciting.

 

            From the way he's eyeing the clock constantly, counting down the minutes until his day is over and he can return to the curly haired lad probably still naked in his bed... Well maybe the feeling isn't so foreign afterall. Maybe he's as bad as his students, a love struck teenager all over again.

 

             "Where the fuck have you been?" Ricky demands as he shuts the door behind him, silencing the students in the bustling hallway from hearing his profanities.

 

             "And did you have to return so soon?" Nora adds with a cheeky grin. "Your replacement was seriously fit." She coils a long strand of her auburn hair around her finger as she wiggles her eyebrows.

 

             Louis fake pouts. "You mean fitter than me?"

 

            "Maybe not," Nora concludes as she hoists herself up onto a desk. "But most definitely straighter."

 

             Louis can't control the bark of laughter at that. "Alright, alright, point taken."

 

             "Where the fuck have you been, you douchebag?" Ricky repeats again, kicking Louis lightly in the shin. His eyebrows are raised high, over the dark frames of his glasses. He's looking expectant and worried all at the same time. Louis feels horrible for ignoring him all week. Just because Harry is around doesn't mean he should just toss away his friends, they deserve better than that.

 

              "I've had a stomch bug, that's all. Cleared up now, nothing to worry about." Louis lies uneasily, scratching the his heel with the toe of his shoe and keeping his eyes steady over there shoulders.

 

              "And you couldn't have picked up your phone and said that?" Ricky points out, completely falling for the lie. Nora on the other hand is eyeing him very carefully with a mischevious look.

 

              "Hey now, I had my head in the toilet bowl most of the week! Cut me some slacks, yeah?" He grins along with it and feels like a complete arsehole, picturing Ricky worried and calling over and over again.

 

               "Alright, well, Im glad you're feeling better then. I should run - I'm meeting Ash for lunch. And you shouldn't be late for your auditions. Since you are the director, and all." He smiles brightly. "Free period?"

 

              "Always," Louis nods in return. As soon as Ricky is gone he turns to Nora. "Who's Ash?" Such an ambigious name, Louis has no idea whether or not Ash is female...or not.

 

              "Some guy he knows from something," Nora shrugs like it's completely irrelevant. But then her eyes narrow and her expression changes back to suspious. "Why, are you jealous?"

 

               "No, I'm not jealous. Why would I be jealous? I'm not jealous."

 

               Nora rolls her eyes and slides off the desk, walking in step with Louis towards the door. "You two, can't keep up with whatever the hell you are," she mutters with a wave of her hand through the air. "But just a piece of advice, darling. If you're going to lie about a stomach flu - cover up the love bites on your neck." She bumps his hip with hers, laughing evilly as she turns to walk down the opposite corridor.

 

               Fuck is the only word Louis can think of in that moment as his fingers trace his neck, feeling the tenderness of the marks Harry had littered him with. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

 

*****

 

"I really think she'll make a great Sandy," Louis rambles on as he pours dressing over the salad Harry had prepared for supper last night. "Great voice, pretty little thing too. I know it's only the first set but in my mind she's already casted."

 

             "It's a good thing you're gay," Ricky teases while shuffling through a stack of papers. "Otherwise calling her a pretty little thing might get you into some trouble."

 

             Louis waves his hand through the air dismissively. "And I think I've got my Danny, too. Granted, he's not going to fill the role as well as I did - really wish I could just cast myself. But I think with some coaching he can pull it off."

 

            "Can I play Kenickie?"

 

           "I sincerely hope you're kidding," Louis snorts. "You're tone death. And possibly a worse dancer than me! Swear, we're the only gay men around with absolutely zero rhythm."

 

           "Missed you," Ricky is laughing. "Glad you're back, my free periods just aren't the same without your ramblings."

 

            "I know, I'm the light of your life and all that."

 

            Both look up when there's a knock of the door. "Come in," Louis calls, reaching for a pen so he can pretend he was correcting. He's really behind on that.

  

          A pair of wildly untamed curls poke around the door frame. "Oh, good, I found your room!" Harry's full body rounds the corner and he's focusing his splitting grin on Louis. "Got lost once or twice, nice young lad pointed me in the right direction though. This school is huge." He walls through the door and sets two dull grocery bags onto a table top in the back.

 

            "Hi," Louis says and despite his panic at the situation at large, he can't help smiling back. He's a sucker, like that.

 

            "Hey, I was just-"

 

            "And this must be the bug then?" Ricky says flatly, making Harry switch his gaze across the room. It clouded over quickly.

 

           "Excuse me? Did you just call me a bug?" Harry growls, arms folding across his chest.

 

              "Harry-" Louis tries but it's moot, his attention is elsewhere.

 

            "Yeah, the stomach bug Louis claims he was out with."

 

            Harry's brows furrow and his thin pink lips turn down at the corners. "What are you even-" he shakes his head with a roll of his eyes and turns back to Louis. "I came to surprise you. I thought you said you had a free period now?"

 

             "Yes... So I could text you during it. I've got a ton of correcting, Haz."

 

           Harry eyes Ricky carefully and nods. "Sure you do... Okay, whatever. I was just out getting groceries for our dinner tonight... There was... So yeah I'm going to go." He slowly retraced his steps backwards, grabbing a hold of the bags before turning and leaving the room. The door shut heavy behind him and then the room fell completely silent.

 

          "Your old friend, right? The one you ran into when we were... Out to supper last night." Ricky assumes and it's quiet again when Louis doesn't answer. "You've been shacking up with him all week, then? That's where you've been. That's your bloody stomach bug?"

 

             "I... It's not... It's not a big deal," Louis croaks.

 

           "Not a big deal? Some old friend just walks back into your life after who knows how long, and all of a sudden he's more important than everything - everyone else?"

 

            "It's not like that," Louis insists, fingers curling around the edge of his desk.

 

             "No? So you're not just shagging some random-"

 

            "I was in love with him," Louis blurts. "Shit, I might still be. He's not just some random, okay? He's... He's Harry."

 

             "You're in love with him?"

 

            Louis tries to ignore the pain he hears in his best friends voice. He hates knowing he's the one who put it there but he can't sit here and listen to him say that stuff about Harry, either. "Yeah, I am. But it doesn't matter because he's moving in a week, alright? It doesn't matter if I love him."

 

             "He'd be a fool to ever leave you," Ricky whispers before flinging his bag over his shoulder and leaving the room.

 

              Louis' brain still can't come up with a word better than fuck... So, "fuck, fuck, fuck," he growels to the empty room, where just seconds ago two of the most important people in his life had been.

 

              Fuck.

   

*****

 

Louis is jittery for the rest of the day and the entire ride home. His hands are clammy against the leather wheel and he feels like he can't sit still, wiggling his butt around and trying to move as much as the constraints of a seatbelt will allow.

 

             He wants to silence his stupid brain - it may have been at a loss earlier, but now it's screaming possibility after possibility. Louis is frightened of returning home to an empty flat. He can't have Harry but he's not ready to lose him yet, not when he's got another six days left with him.  

 

             He smells something delicious even before he's got his key in the lock. It puts a smile on his face and calms his racing heart, knowing that Harry is still there and he's still cooking them supper. It gives him a little shred of hope to cling too.

 

            "Hello?" His voices falls flat in the apartment and Louis panics that maybe the smell had been from his neighbours. He hurriedly kicks off his shoes and fumbles through the hallway while pulling off his jacket.

 

             "Oh," he says, stopping short when he sees the familar figure standing back on to him. "There you are."

 

            "Suppers not ready, yet. Why don't you go watch the match while I finish?" Harry said with no greeting or friendly tone in his voice.

 

             "You sure you don't want any help? I know I can't do much but there's probably something I can do?" Louis suggests while taking a few steps closer. "Smells delicious, by the way."

 

            "Thanks, but no thanks."

 

            "Alright, then. Well I'll be in the other room if you need me..." A heavy sigh escapes his lips and he lingers next to Harry for a moment. He can see the tense muscles through his thin white tshirt and it takes all Louis' strength to not gently run his hands down them, to try and get Harry to relax.

 

             Usually a football match can hold Louis' full attention but he finds himself distracted and agitated the entire first half. He strains to hear what's going on in the kitchen and anxiously awaits for Harry to call him. Time feels like it's completely stopped.

 

             "S'ready," Harry eventually calls from the other room. Louis forces himself off the couch and stalks through the flat to meet Harry at the dinning table. Bless him, it's got two lit candles in the middle and a red table cloth that Louis is sure he didn't own before today.

 

              "Well aren't you a real Martha Stuart," Louis grins as he catches Harry's eye.

 

              Harry chuckles lightly and the sound bounces against the walls, filling the room with it. Louis wants to never forget the sound.  "Just sit down, you goof." The affection rolls of Harry's tongue - it's written all over his face, too, buried deep inside his eyes.

 

               "Smells amazing, thank you Haz." Louis sits down and watches as Harry loads his plate with chicken and some sort of pasta. He then does the same with his own plate and sits. There's wine glasses filled to the rim - again Louis is pretty sure he doesn't own them.

 

               "Hopefully it tastes even better." Harry picks up his fork. "Go on, try it." He instructs for Louis to do the same.

 

             "It certainly does," Louis says with a mouthful. He chews a bit and the swallows before speaking again. "The pasta is delicious!"

 

             "And the chicken?" Harry looks at him expectantly, like whether or not he likes the damn chicken is the must important thing in the world and Louis is now positive that he's still head over heels in love with him - so he slices into the piece on his plate and makes sure to rave about how juicy and delicious it is.

 

              Harry smiles at the praise for a couple of beats before he puts his fork down and his brows knit together. "We should talk," he says quietly. "We need to talk," he corrects himself in a stronger voice.

 

               Louis freezes up for a second, fork dangling in the air above his plate. Louis is by definition a procrastinator. If he could put off this conversation forever he would gpi sly dance around it with small talk and kisses. But Harry's never been like that, always one to dive into things and hash them out.

 

               He's leaving so soon, though. It's just... Louis doesn't want to spent this time arguing.  

 

               "So talk." Louis hopes it comes out light and casual. He finally brings the fork to his mouth and pops the piece of chicken off. Then he places the utensil back down onto the table and gives Harry his full attention. "I'm all ears."

 

              "This... The past week... It's, I don't know." Harry reaches over his shoulder to scratch at the back of his neck. "Pretty amazing, and fuck, does that even really cover it? For almost six years I always wondered what if... It's like now I can see exactly what it could have been like - would be like, if -"

 

               Louis has always considered himself a fairly strong person on the exterior. No matter what he could always manage to tuck his feelings away neatly into his pocket, hiding them until he was safe to deal with them on his own. But he can't handle this right now - Harry's words are wearing away at the wall he's constructed around himself, bringing his emotions bubbling to the surface. He has no choice but to interrupt him. The word "stop" comes out with his exhale.

 

            Harry's face crumples. He stops mid sentence, as instructed, and licks his lips.

 

             It's silent around the small table, the only sound the small whistling on the wind against the balcony door. Harry seems to be waiting for Louis to make the next move.

 

             He curls his hands around the edge of the table, rubbing the scratchy linen between his fingers. "I can't talk about this," he finally mumbles, awkwardly gazing to the left, unable to meet Harry's eyes. He's ashamed of how weak and pathetic he is... "I'm sorry." He can't possibly entertain the thought of what it would be like if Harry could really be all his - it's too painful because it's not going to happen. Because Harry is leaving.

 

            Six days. Six years. Time is blending together and Louis is forgetting how to breathe.

 

             "Wow." Harry winces and looks down at the table. "Okay. Okay..." He seems to be gathering himself, taking in Louis' soft spoken words. "Does this have anything to do with that guy in your classroom? The same one you were out to dinner with..." Harry is starring at him intently with many questions shining through his curious green eyes.

 

               "Wait, what?" Louis blinks back, confused by what Ricky has to do with any of this. "Ricky is just a friend, but that's not-"

 

               "A friend that you lie about me too?" Harry cuts him off with a pointed look and suddenly the miraculously dissolved tension is back, front and center like the main course.

 

              Louis shakes his head, completely baffled by the progression that led them to here. Clearly this has been bothering Harry... But Louis can't fathom why. "I didn't lie about you," he insists.

 

             "You told him you were home with a stomach bug - I get lying to your boss but you're obviously close with this guy... So if you're not telling him about me Im just wondering how close you are. Gemma thought he was your boyfriend - it's what it looked like."

 

              "Harry, I promise you, he's not my boyfriend. God, how could you think that after all of this?" He uses his hands to gesture to the space between them. "Ricky, he might have feelings for me. I didn't want to make it awkward so - I just.. but how could - you know how I feel about you and only you. Always you."

 

              Harry snorts and raises his eyebrows. "How am I expected to know how you feel if you're not even going to tell your friends about me. Just planning on keeping me your dirty little secret?" Harry pushes his chair back and picks up his plate, angling himself towards the kitchen.

 

             "What's the point in telling him? You're leaving in a week!" Louis hurls back, standing up as well even though he's barely eaten any of his dinner. Six days. He doesn't say that out loud, curses his fickle brain for always reminding him.

 

              Harry's entire body goes rigid. The plate crashes to the floor, the loud sound making Louis jump. Harry turns slowly, eyes painfully wide. "Right," he spits bitterly. "Fuck, right, so that's all this is. Two fun weeks but you want to keep your options opened for after I'm gone? This obviously means nothing to you, just a couple good fucks. Jesus, I'm... an idiot."

 

               Louis' blood seems to boil at his words, he hates every single syllable. Fuck Harry for making him out to be the bad guy in all of this... A careless prick.

 

              "Oh yeah? And what is it to you, Harry? Enlighten me - because if I'm not fucking mistaken you're the one who's leaving! I want nothing more than for you to stay with me, to have a bloody life with me! That's all I've wanted since I was bloody eighteen. But you're leaving, Harry. You're the one who's leaving so sue me for not wanting to fantasize about things I can't have!"

 

              Harry is visibly shaking, hands balled into tight fists by his side. "I was going to ask you to come with me, you idiot! What do you think all this was? The dinner, the talking... I was going to tell you that I still fucking love you after six years. That I still want you to be my future, just like I did when I was sixteen. But you're right... I'm leaving, so maybe I should just go already. Save us both the trouble."

 

              There's some many different angles Louis could focus on - it's so much to take in all at once. There's a whooshing sound in his ears and he sways with it a little, rendered speechless. "Harry..." He manages to force out despite the lump in his throat.

 

             "Don't. Just, don't, okay? I can't hear it."

 

             "I love you, Haz." The words fall out of his mouth so easily and he knows he shouldn't have went so long without saying them. "Still love you, too."

 

              A scene of emotions flicker across Harry's golden skin - like a montage of all the ups and downs - but it finally lands on something Louis recongnizes in a heart beat.

 

             It only takes two strides for them to be tangled into each other's arms, skin touching everywhere, hands firmly gripping each other. Their lips are connected. It's rough kisses - fueled with all the wound up energy coursing through their veins.

 

               They don't make it to the bedroom, just spread out on the tiled floor and express everything they can't say through desperate motions and thrusts.

 

              Afterwards they don't talk about anything - just curl into the security of one another and cherish the way they slot together, like two puzzle pieces that will always find a way to connect.

 

*****

 

"Come with me?"

 

            Harry says this while scraping scrambled eggs onto the plate sitting in front of Louis at the table. He says is so casually as if asking what he wanted to drink with his breakfast. They hadn't spoken a word out their figh from the previous night - instead just spending the morning in bed, carefully relearning every hidden inch of each other's bodies and repeatitively murmuring promises of I love you's against skin.

 

              Louis watches as the eggs fall from the pan to his plate, melted cheese connecting to both. He can't find any words, his mouth is dry and all he can only seem to think about where he left his slippers. He racks his brain trying to remember where he'd had them last, because he can't possibly consider what Harry is asking of him.

 

             Because if he even let's himself entertain the thought he won't be able to bring himself to say no.

 

             Louis has called in sick once again - which in retrospect was probably a pretty dumb thing to do, but he hadn't even been able to deny Harry's simple plea to stay in bed with him.

 

             "Got any pepper for the eggs?" Louis is awful at changing the subject, Harry knows it and it's written inbetween the lines etched onto his face.

 

             "Last night, Lou... I told you that I planned on asking you to come with me. I meant that. I don't want to lose you - not now, not ever."

 

            He shouldn't be allowed to say things like that while in the process of asking Louis to uproot his entire life and career. It's not fair, he can't think straight with thoughts of himself and Harry forever clouding his vision.

 

           "Pepper?" Louis repeats weakly and pathetically. His voice breaks halfway through the word and Harry let's out a long groan before stomping across the room and getting the pepper shaker. It's thrusted in front of Louis and okay - maybe he didn't think this through because now he's given him what he wants and there's nothing left to distract them with.

 

            "Louis, I love you, come with me?"

 

            "And do what, Harry? What am I supposed to do in America? I have a job here and... Fuck this is a lot to take in." Louis inhales deeply. "Okay... Fuck. Alright."

 

             Harry waits patiently while Louis hangs his head in his hands and evens out the gulping breaths he's been taking. Once he's got a steady rhythm he looks back up and all he can think about is the fact that Harry is beautiful. Overwhelmingly so.

 

            "I've been talking to Simon..." Harry says simply like that explains everything. It's been such a long time since Louis has heard that name, directed at the Simon who put them together as a group. Louis hasn't thought about him I'm such a very long time and his head is swimming with confusion.

 

              "Simon," Louis echoes. "Been talking to Simon." He squeezes his eyes shut. "About?"

 

             "A demo. Recording, getting back in the studio. I've got a bunch of songs written actually." Harry is looking at him with so much hope in his eyes and Louis feels like the grinch because he knows he's going to stomp all over it.

 

             "Wow, Harry... That's wow."

 

            "Louis, please consider this and understand that I am completely serious. We could do it together. You're incredible, your voice... We could do it together, like we planned. I've got my first record in the works and we could do a collaboration on it. Then we could work on getting you your own record... Simon was always so high on your voice. We could do it together, do it right this time."

 

              Harry's voice is background noise to the thumping of his pulse in his ears. He's dizzy and feels like he's watching this perfect, beautiful boy from far away. Like this is happening to somebody else and he's just witnessing it. There's no way that Harrh is suggesting any of this to him.

 

             "Come with me, Lou, please? We could do everything we talked about - we could conquer the world together. You and me, like it was meant to be."

 

               He squeezes his eyes closed tight in hopes that the entire room will stop spinning underneath him. "God eighteen year old me would jump at what you're saying."

 

               Louis can't bring himself to reopen his eyes because he can only imagine the crumpled look of dissapointment sprawled on Harry's face. He can't bear to know he put that there - and he's well aware of how his words came out.

 

            "But you're not eighteen year old you?" Harry finally murmurs.

 

             "No... I'm not." Fuck there's no air left in the room. Louis might die from the lack of oxygen reaching his lungs. "Harry, I'm sorry. What you're saying... It's just not me anymore. I like my life, I like teaching and being able to walk down the street without being recongnized." He runs a hand over his face and truly this is the hardest thing he's ever done, because saying this means giving Harry up.  "I want to settle down and have kids... I want normal."

 

              "I want you," Harry sighs and Louis can hear the tears in his shaky exhale. "I just want you."

 

               Louis reaches across the table and takes his hand, curling his own small fingers around Harry's much larger knuckles. He still can't believe how huge Harry is. "That's not true, Haz. You want to make music - you want to share what you love with the world. And I want that for you, Harry. Do you know the first thing I thought when I saw you?" Louis is crying now too - fuck this shit is painful.

 

               Harry shakes his head slowly.

 

              "The whole world should know your name," Louis repeats the thought with a tremble. "That's what I thought, Haz. And I still do. The whole world deserves to hear your voice and see how lovely you are. This is what you were meant to do... And I really want that for you, it's not just what I'm meant to do."

 

              Harry's face is scrunched up and his cheeks are stained with fresh tears. Louis wants to kiss them all away.

 

              "So that's just it? There's nothing I can say to make you change your mind?"

 

            Looking into his emerald eyes Louis is so tempted to just say yes, to go with him and be with Harry forever. He's tempted to give up everything just to make Harry smile again, but he can't.

 

             Instead he let's out a soft laugh. "Is there anyway I can change yours?"

 

           "Tell me you want me to stay. Tell me you love me and you don't want me to leave and I won't." Harry's looking at him completely serious, ready to give up his dreams to be with Louis. It's overwhelming and powerful and in that moment Louis is just so greatfull to have ever gotten to experience what he thinks must be the closest thing to magic.

 

             "I love you," he says tantilizingly slow. "But I can't ask you to stay, Haz. You know I wouldn't do that." He wishes he could though, wishes he could be selfish and hold on and keep Harry all to himself, forever.

 

             "I know, I know you wouldn't," Harry sniffs. "Fuck... I love you." He wipes at his cheeks and then laughs. "I'm a mess. I'm sorry."

 

              Louis manages to chuckle along with him. "I am too," he sighs. "Don't apologize."

 

             "So what do we do now?" Harry looks to him like he's got all the answers and Louis really doesn't want to let him down. He wants to be strong and act like everything is going to be okay even though he has no idea where they go from here.

 

             "We enjoy the time we have left before we have to say goodbye."  It's not altogether that helpful and it seems to make Harry just cry harder - which consequently makes Louis cry harder. But it's the true and it's all Louis has to offer.

 

*****

 

They do just that, enjoy every second of the time they have left together. But five days seems to fly by in a flurry of kisses and laughing and romantic comedy marathons. They spend the five days doing exactly what they do best.

 

            And before they know it they're clinging to one another in Louis' car, parked out front of the airport. They've decided to say goodbye here because Harry's family is waiting for him inside and Louis has hogged him for his last two weeks, they deserve a proper goodbye too.

 

             "I can't believe this is goodbye." His words tickle Louis' neck. Louis has to squeeze his eyes tight and inhales the sweet scent of the curls pushed up against his face. He can't cry, he has to be strong because Harry seems to be falling apart.

 

            "S'not goodbye," he answers and ends up getting Harry's hair stuck to his lip in the process. "It's not, I promise." The last word falls flat and Louis isn't sure how many more times they can promise each other something just to have it be broken.

 

             They had once promised each other their entire worlds - every little piece of each other forever and always. But it was things they couldn't give away at such a young age. Things they couldn't even begin to understand.

 

            Louis is older now though. He may not be as bright or bubbly but he's also not naive and confused. He now knows what he needs sometimes has to triumph what he wants... Even if that's still a hard thing to swallow. If he could have an entire life - family, kids, house - with Harry, he'd say yes in a heartbeat. But it's not in the cards for them. Their plans go in two different directions.

 

             Harry will always be perfect - this memory he holds dear to his heart. He'll think about it when he's having a bad day and remember the intense way he fell in love when he was only a kid. He's not sure he'll ever not love him... But Harry will always be sweet sixteen to Louis. His first love, but not his forever.

   

             This time it doesn't really feel like he's losing a part of himself - gaining, actually, if he's being honest. There had always been this nagging thought at the back of his head - a what if that made him analyze every possible dating prospect through his young eyes. Maybe all this time he had been searching for what he'd lost, instead of what he needed to find.

 

            It's like a huge weight being lifted. Closure he supposes.

 

            Still, he wants to hold Harry in his arms for as long as possible. And when their lips meet for their last fleeting kiss, he let's it linger on way longer than it should because he can't seem to stop himself.

 

             "The whole world is going to know your name, Harry Edward Styles," Louis tells him when they finally get the courage to disconnect. His thumb gently brushes over the soft skin of Harry's cheek, collecting fallen tears. "And I'm going to be so damn proud of you every single day."

 

             "Love you," Harry whispers and it comes out completely broken.

 

            "Love you." His reply comes automatically, a natural reflex that makes his chest clench. "Don't forget us little people when you're big and famous, alright? Get me and the other lads - Niall and Zayn and Liam - tickets to your first big gig, okay? We'll have like a little reunion. This isn't goodbye."

 

            "It's not goodbye," Harry echoes and his pearly white teeth poke out of a smile. "You're right. Even if we can't be together, I want you in my life. As my friend. Don't go another six years being a stranger."

 

            "I promise." This time he knows he can truly keep it. "You should go though, or you'll miss your flight." He tries to hide the sniff as Harry pulls out of his grasp, breaking his linked arms.

 

            "Maybe I should miss it," Harry says, but he's smiling all the while so Louis knows not to take him seriously.

 

              Louis gives him an over the top pointed look and Harry knocks their shoulders together.

 

             "Kidding, Lou," he snickers. "I've got to go make you proud and all that, right?" The way his face lights up, the sparkle in his eyes - he's just really beautiful. Louis has never seen someone glow quite like Harry seems too.

 

               "Right," Louis agrees with a small smile. He's happy for Harry but he can't help the pooling tears in his eyes. "Shit," he mutters while pressing his palms into his sockets to try and stop himself. "I don't know why I'm still crying." He tries to make his voice sound light and carefree. He's pretty sure he fails miserably.

 

               Harry kisses him so gently. Their lips brush so briefly while his large hand cups his jaw. "Hey, it's okay," he whispers while pressing their foreheads together. "It's okay."

 

               Louis sneaks one last peck. He's already memorized the taste of his mouth. "Okay, go," he says while giving Harry a little shrug. "Go."

 

               And then Harry is gone before he knows it, and he's all alone in the van and he's pretty sure he's going to suffocate. And fuck, he knows that he's going to be okay - but... But it's just hard to remember that while he's looking at the imprint that was left by Harry's perfect little bum.

 

              Louis stays in the parking lot for a while, he's not sure how long, with his head pressed against the steering wheel. He doesn't know what he's waiting for - until he does. His entire body relaxes, just melts into the seat while he grins down the picture on his cell phone. It's a message from Harry - a picture of a man in the lobby with a ridiculous mustache that goes well past his chin. The caption says "I think I might need to grow one of these - could be good for my career, yeah? Xx"

 

              And that's all it takes for Louis to be okay. Because Harry is his friend and life is good.

  
              On the drive home his cell phone rings and the screen shows a picture of himself and Ricky. He doesn't answer right now, but he smiles and plans to call him back - when he's ready.


	2. i like the way you say my name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry has let Louis get away twice. The first when he was only seventeen years old and didn’t know how to properly hold on to his first love. The second being when he gave up their chance together to move to America and pursue his dreams.
> 
> But he’s swore if he ever gets lucky enough for a third chance, he’ll never lose him again. 
> 
> It’s been almost three years and Harry’s name has gone up in lights. He’s got stadium tours under his belt and his fourth album on the way. The whole world knows his name, just like Louis promised. But Harry has never heard it sound the way it does coming from Louis. Harry Styles, he says it like a melody, a smile always on the cusp of his lips. Harry will always like the way he says it best.

sequel coming soon :)


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